It's weird cos actually these days, some of the time I feel okay. Not depressed. Relatively content, I might even venture to say. Happy, perhaps? (Hmmm, maybe going a bit far there . . . )But then there are these points when I swing from feeling okay to feeling murderously angry. I am prone to angry rants. Case in point, a friend who I happened to run into today ended up getting all the frustrations in my head at that precise moment spelled out to her in great angry-verging-on-tears detail. You see? It's not just the readers of this blog that get the brunt of my rage aimed at them on a twice-weekly (at least!) basis. People in the real world get it too.
In fact, they probably get it MORE. It's not like I can ever be completely honest on here. I have to watch what I say, hint at stuff, censor myself. I can't rein myself in ENTIRELY, but I can't always throw out my frustration for all to see if they so choose to. I have to pick my moments, pick my people to confide in. And sometimes the WAIT for the person I need to talk to is just too long. Sometimes I feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode, a ticking bomb.
So much makes me angry - crappy things on the news, being treated differently because I'm a girl (funnily enough, I AM capable of intelligent thought - I know that's hard to believe but it's true. Maybe if some people gave me a chance once in a while, they would see that!) cold weather (given its November and I live in Glasgow, this point might even be harder to get over than the previous points), the fact that I seem to be surrounded by people in happy relationships at a time of year when I hate being alone . . . Is that enough reasons to be angry??? No??? Okay . . . having bugger all willpower when it comes to my diet, my room being a complete and utter tip and me not having the energy or motivation to fix it, the fact I still have two days of work left this week. The fact I thought I'd regained a friend but apparently I was wrong (although that makes me sad as well as angry)!). I hate that I'm not where I thought I would be at 29 - or that I was never sure where I wanted to be really in the first place! Or that my hair won't do anything it's supposed to do AT ANY DAMN TIME!!!
And most of all??? I'm angry at MYSELF . . . for being angry so much!!!
It's actually mentally draining.
I said this to my friend earlier when she was saying she felt like she had OCD and wished she wasn't so damn anal all the time. "I wish I wasn't so angry all the time either," I replied. "Maybe we should seek help together."
"Sure," she said. "You can go to anger management and I'll go to . . . " she trailed off, unable to think of the right phrase.
" . . . Anal management?" I suggested innocently.
Apologies for the negativity of this post. I needed to get it out. You know sometimes you do just think things are going to be different, they're going to change for the better? And then they just go right on ahead and DON'T??? Right now, I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling inferior. And until I can stop FEELING inferior, I guess I'm going to keep getting treated as if I am.
Tomorrow I promise a more positive post. I'll let my anger out elsewhere tomorrow. There's stuff to make me happy, I know . . . a lovely relaxing three day weekend (I took Friday off as I was meant to be going to Ireland but it fell through - obviously I'm disappointed about that, but this will be my last weekday off until Christmas so I don't mind some extra couch-time!), three days worth of lying in bed as long as I want. The fact I was asked out, even if I'm undecided as of yet whether to go for it- at least SOMEONE finds me attractive I suppose! The fact I have so many great friends, who ARE there for me and DO stick by me (despite the occasional rant they are subjected to!). I'm forever grateful for this fact.
So for "Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday" I thought I would share this. You may have already read it, but screw it, it's worth a chuckle all the same . . .
It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’!
For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That’s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.Here are the Stella’s for the past year:
7TH PLACE:Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
6TH PLACE:Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
5TH PLACE:Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage.Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.Keep scratching. There are more…
4TH PLACE:Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.Grrrrr … Scratch, scratch.
3RD PLACE:Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tail bone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stella’s to go
2ND PLACE:Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000… oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
1ST PLACE: (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Hope you enjoyed!!! And, honestly, positivity for tomorrow. At least in the blogosphere!!! :)