Monday, 3 May 2010

JUST FRIENDS???

Okay, so as you probably all know by now (since I have mentioned it rather a lot), I am off on my holi-bags this week, which means I will not be around. I know, I know, you're all gutted, you'll all miss me tons, yada yada yada. But dry your tears - because some fellow bloggers have kindly agreed to stand in for me over the next week while I'm sunning it up in Zante.



So first up. we have the lovely, amazing Kirsty, who is one of the few bloggers I have actually met in real life. She normally blogs over here, but has taken time out of her busy schedule to lend me a guest-post!

(Kirsty, I hope you don't mind, but I decided to add the video clips in!)





Hilary Swank and her new man did it. Rihanna says she prefers it, and it worked for Britney... for a couple of nights. To take it to the next level, the hottest power couple on earth, Michelle and Barack Obama managed to make light of two relationship taboos, and got together after being workmates AND friends. That said, Google "celeb couples friends first" and the most exciting thing you get is Christian dating websites. So it seems the jury is still out on the biggest question hanging over relationship-ville since "relationships at work?" and "should I/Cheryl Cole take my/her scumbag ex back?"


CAN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WTH A FRIEND... and make it work?


I grew up in a family of three sisters, and didn't realise how much I longed for a brother until I was at Uni and developing some of the strongest friendships I've ever had - with guys! Through them I've learned so much about the way boys think - but it's also blown apart my ability to generalise what a friendship between a guy and a girl can mean. I've had three types of friendship with blokes, to varying degrees:


Friend A is A-class in every way. We met at the very beginning of our first semester, and since then we've become so close that most of our mutual friends would rarely mention one of us without the other. We drank and ate together, lived together (and were co-Senior students of our Residence in our third year), and have been through some incredibly tough times. He's been the sort of friend that's taken me out on Valentine's Day if I was single, and that's sang me stupid songs from the Mighty Boosh to cheer me up. My parents love him and would be beyond happy if we got together - but I love him like a brother, and there's never even been a suggestion that we'd ever be more than best friends.


Friend B is someone who I have no doubt will still be in my top ten friends list when we're 40 and emailing pics of our kids to each other! But... I fancied the pants off him when we met, and if that hadn't been the case, we probably never wouldn't have become friends. HE IS GORGEOUS - painfully, inescapably lush, and so in my first year at Uni I weasled my way into his company pretty efficiently. We get on a storm, and always did - but realised pretty quickly that nothing was going to develop. It was pretty easy to get over though, because although we weren't meant to be a couple, in romance's place was left a really solid friendship.


And now to Friend C. I've never had a friendship like this one before. While I can't pinpoint the exact date we met I remember feeling that I'd met someone that got me like no-one had before - a real soulmate. Yes, I was attracted to him - but he had a girlfriend, and I was interested in someone else, so we became friends, and have been each others confidantes ever since. No-one makes me feel more energised and invigorated about life! Our friendship has never been static - there have been periods when we rarely saw each other, and when his girlfriends didn't like me - but whenever we're together, we are instantly in each other's heads and as intensely close as ever. This was a relationship that I thought would never alter. Until he became single, and I realised the terrifying truth...


I've fallen for my friend.


Not just my friend. One of my BEST friends.


So many people have, over the years, told me to steer clear of blurring the line between friendship and romance. Hell, I even said so myself. Now, while I hold very dear hopes that we could buck the trend and become the real life When Harry Met Sally, I know that this is a minefield of potential disasters. Does he feel the same way? How would this bombshell affect our dynamic? Would we ever regain the closeness that we have now if he just wanted to be friends, or if we tried it, and it didn't work out? Could I even risk our friendship in the first place? Does the uncertainty of our respective futures make this a bad time anyway? Will there ever be a good time?


Despite the horrors that cause me to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and have me singing "Overkill" by Men at Work all day ("I can't get to sleep, thinking 'bout the implications, of diving in too deep, and possibly the complications...") there are positive aspects to this revelation. I've realised what I've been doing wrong in relationships in the past, trying to make it work with the wrong people, and trying to shove lovers into the role of best friend. And despite the confusions and complications, everything seems somehow simpler when I contemplate a partnership with someone that I already know understands my needs and whims.


So do I have an answer to my own initial question? No. But here is my hunch. If you've found someone you love as a friend, with whom you have a real connection, AND you are lucky enough to be attracted to them, then what more are you looking for? Maybe it's relationships with people who AREN'T friends that are abnormal.


If it all works out, and Harry does meet this Sally in the real world... I promise I will recreate the fake-orgasm-in-the-diner scene, and you guys will be the first to view :)





(This was Meg Ryan. Not Kirsty.)

Thanks for the post!!! xxx

8 comments:

  1. Yay! Glad I could help out with a guest post. Have a great time! x

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  2. Great post!
    I was friends with my husband before we ever got together...might have been because he was dating someone I knew.
    I didn't even look at him romantically until he was single and I really realised he was the One.
    We fell in love fast and the rest is history.
    I think love is nothing without friendship. In the rocky times, it's our friendship that has got us through.
    :)

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  3. I'll weigh in (from the poolside) - I fell for a friend once. After it didn't work out, we lost the friendship too. But then it's deciding whether its worth that risk as it COULD be fantastic!

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  4. Great post Kristy.

    I fell for a friend once. We spent a few blissful weeks together before he went off to college. The distance ended the romance but we've remained close friends ever since.

    www.snafuliving.blogspot.com

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  5. Looks like friend C is worth the effort :) Seriously, the intensity of that kind of feeling is REALLY worth the effort.

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  6. GREAT post! I LOVE that Colin Hay song.

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  7. Great post!

    This isn't really on the point, but I just saw when harry met sally for the first time a couple weeks ago. I'm so glad to finally get a reference to the movie!

    The 20s Life

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  8. Excellent post!! Thought provoking in such a way that makes me hopeful :) x

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