I made a very grave mistake today. It was a big 'un, let me tell you.
(That's what SHE said. Shut up.)
I decided to go shopping in my lunch-hour.
I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. The city centre is a fifteen minute walk from my work on a good day (ie a day when the rest of Glasgow has been eliminated in an apolocalypse and the pavements are therefore clear - presumably I then can get free stuff out the shops too) and even if I take the maximum 1 hour 15 minutes available to me for lunch, it's going to be a struggle to get much done. And since this week was a busy stressful week for us, I couldn't really take the full whammy, so I needed to get there, buy what i needed, and back in an hour.
I thought I had timed it well. I left work at one fifteen. This, I figured, meant that by the time I got to town, it would be after half past one and HOPEFULLY most people would be finished or ALMOST finished their lunchbreaks.
What I didn't take account of are the people who don't actually HAVE Lunchbreaks.
You know, the people who could go shopping AT ANY TIME OF DAY THEY PLEASE . . . but choose the busiest time of day to do so.
And they all decide to go to Primark.
Which was the main place I wanted to go because I really wanted to pick up some more of my favourite shoes. Because not only are these pumps pretty, not only do they actually have GRIPS on the soles and were the only things I could feasibly walk in through ice and snow over the winter AND cost six pounds for a pair . . . by some miracle, they are still stocking them in the shop. This is unbelievable - if you know Primark, you know their stock turnover is so fast that you are NEVER Likely to find the same thing on more than one trip. So since I wanted to make sure I had a few more pairs for my London trip (I am not allowed to make "clip clop" high heel noises when navigating Alexandra Palace since the students sitting exams may be disturbed) and I wasn't finishing until five, and I want to spend tomorrow in a state of complete relaxation, the shopping trip HAD to be today.
It took me ten minutes, as usual, to wind my way from the Argyle Street entrance to the first floor. Okay, so I got distracted but I figured I may as well have a pleasant detour rather than virtually crawl behind THE SLOWEST PEOPLE EVER IN EXISTENCE up the main shop aisle. So I picked up a little turquoise dress which I figured would look good with leggings (and was only a fiver), and a little colourful skirt, and headed for the shoe section.
RESULT! There sat my shoes, and there were size 5s in both the silver AND the black pairs so I picked them up. And then joined the slowest moving, longest queue in history. Or the longest queue since I queued up at EuroDisney for the Space Mountain ride anyway. And THAT was 1995, so yeah.
I checked my watch. 1.55pm. Which was the time I'd planned to start heading back to work. Optimistically, I decided that the queue would go fast.
1.58pm. I didn't appear to have moved forward any further. There were only two women serving. The lady behind me seemed to be trying to edge in front of me. DIDN'T SHE REALISE IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE. We were here until we died.
2pm. Not much further forward but I'd worked out that I was probably the only person in that queue who was actually due back at work in fifteen minutes time. Oh, and the majority of the people in front of me had baskets overflowing with items, meaning it would take even longer for them to be served. Oh, and now I was wedged in a queue that I couldn't get out of anyway, so I was buying this stuff whether I liked it or not.
2.02 pm. I realised the "skirt" I was buying was in fact shorts. But I couldn't be bothered putting it back.
A moment or two later, the queue suddenly started moving fast. By about 2.07 I was finally served. I commented that it was unusually busy. The girl serving me agreed and said it wasn't usually so busy at this time.
SO WHY SO BLOODY BUSY TODAY THEN???
Why did everyone decide that today would be the day they descended en masse on Primark at 1.45pm??? And that they all had to buy at least ten items?
Oh, and the shorts? They make me look like a short curtain with camel toe. And the dress, while cute, emphasises those fat bits where my shoulders join my arms. In fact . . . given that I actually don't HAVE these fat bits normally, the dress has just CREATED them. (Mental note: only to be worn with a cardigan.)
Thank goodness shoes generally look pretty no matter what . . .