Sunday, 11 July 2010

TERROR IN THE KITCHEN . . .

It just seemed like a normal Sunday afternoon.

Me and my sister had a girly night last night and just lazed about this morning. Eventually once I managed to stop her playing the "Bistro Cook" game on my phone that I myself got addicted to the other night, I walked her down to Byres Road, bought myself some wine, then headed back to my flat.

Before I got down to drinking, I decided to sort out tomorrow's breakfast and lunch. My veg-loaded omelette was browning nicely and my pasta bubbling away merrily when I looked down . . .

AND SPOTTED WHAT APPEARED TO BE A COCKROACH MERE INCHES FROM MY FEET!!!

I screamed. Backed into the corner. Stared over at it in horror.

I saw cockroaches when I went on that hen week to Spain. But I've never saw one in Scotland. So I was 100% sure that's what it was. But I don't see what else it could be.

I don't deal well with insects/spiders/creepy crawlies at the best of times. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may remember this from this post about a spider in my bedroom. So I immediately started freaking out. But I knew I couldn't just leave it. For one thing my food was about to burn!

I went for the first solution I could think of - grabbed the mop and bucket, filled the bucket with water and bleach and rammed the mop on top of it, inwardly squeaking the whole time. It tried to escape of course, but I rammed the mop on top of it again and thrust it into the bleach-water.

So while I turned my omelette over using one hand, i used the other to stab the mop into the bucket repeatedly to ensure that mo-fo was dead. But now what???

I phoned my sister. We decided the only option was to flush it down the loo. Then bleach the rest of the kitchen.

Done.

Until, as a I re-bleached the rest of the kitchen, I spotted the spider.

Once again I screamed. It was massive. What to do? Could I kill it?

It moved. I panicked and, once again, slammed my mop down on it and lobbed it (sort of) into the bucket.

Once again, flushed the bugger down the toilet.

Of course then, as I texted my sister to inform her of recent developments, I realised that I really needed the toilet.

Her response to me "Watch it doesn't crawl up your bum."

Yeah, that helped me pee . . .

As I sat down on my bed to write this blog post, a tiny moth flew straight at me - in a panic, I swatted it and killed it too. I guess I have to assume that ALL the insect/spider world are after me now . . .

I'm scared. Wouldn't you be???

15 comments:

  1. Bloody hell, should I phone Rentokill?

    *hugs*

    You dealt with those terrifying encounters with bravery and skill. I applaud you.

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  2. I'm not afraid of spiders and only half-scared of roaches, but I'm deathly afraid of house lizards!!! Once, I was alone at home and there was a lizard on the floor? I poured boiling water all over it and killed the thing. Messy and flooded my living room, but at least it died!

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  3. You've read my encounters with the good ol' American Cockroach lately...so please don't be mad when I laughed and said "finally, I'm not alone!" (sorry!)

    I grew up in Georgia (USA) and moved to Alabama for school...never lived anywhere that didn't have spiders, roaches, lizards (as Nashe pointed out) etc. As a matter of fact I've had to kill a rattle snake in my basement before...scary shit! I dunno if they sell it over there...but I use Raid Ant and Roach killer to get the bugs here. It kills on contact and they just have to die in a puddle of insecticide. (Then you can vacuum it up!) And I hate to be a downer, but if you found one...more are probably going to follow. :( Good luck roach-smooshing.

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  4. Holy CRAP!! That's enough to keep you out of the bathroom for a while isn't it?!?!!?

    If I were you I'd phone your landlord and beg to have the place bug bombed!! One roach is scary!!

    M
    ps - I run screaming into the house after being chased from my porch swing by bugs all the freakin' time. You are so not alone!!

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  5. Mosquito nets and wetroom silicone, impregnate that place up girl!

    I wouldn't sleep well after that happened to be. Ugh. Cockroaches. I have no idea what I would do if I found one in my house.

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  6. OMG...Cockroaches are not good, I'm totally for killing the little shits.

    But when it comes to spiders, I'm a touch more forgiving. I have a strict "you-don't-bother-me-I-don't-bother-you" policy with them. So far, so good.

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  7. Yikes, get rid of the little beast. I would hate to see a cockroach.

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  8. Haha! I'm not stranger to coakroaches - thankfully we got in the experts before we moved in (the humidity here means they are absolutely unstoppable). One of the flats we lived in was so infested that we actually had to throw out our phone, microwave and toaster (gross I know). They are the enemy! I'm super surprised you got one in Scotland though!

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  9. This is out of a movie! How could all of that happen in one evening?? You are brave for killing them. There was a roach in my apartment once and I locked myself in my bedroom and put a towel under the door crack. Luckily, my roommate's cat killed it.

    www.snafuliving.blogspot.com

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  10. I know exactly what you're going through. Almost. I deal with cockroaches here in India on a daily basis. If I knew it would be such a problem I wouldn't have moved here. But they're EVERYWHERE. I can never get used to them.

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  11. Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww...

    I don't do well with spiders or bugs. They totally creep me the f out! I'd have screamed.

    I used to work at a salon that was right next to a Chinese restaurant. The cockroaches would crawl through the walls over to the salon. It was so gross, I once even found one in the fridge there.

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  12. better safe than sorry...
    kill'em all kill'em all!!!!!
    :) hehehehe

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  13. It's like "Birds" but with insects. Alfred Hitchcock (were he alive) would be knocking on your door for the rights to the film in an instant!

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  14. I hate it but I am totally one of those chicks that freaks out around bugs. That's one of the main reasons we got a cat...she hunts bugs!!

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