Wednesday, 28 July 2010

THINGS I DON'T NEED TO HEAR WHEN I'M SINGLE . . .

DISCLAIMER: What follows is a mostly tongue-in-cheek post which should not be taken particularly seriously . . .

"Sooo . . . are you seeing anyone right now?"

(No. If I was, I would have undoubtedly told you within two seconds of meeting you. Unless I have a reason for keeping it to myself, that is. (IT'S YOUR HUSBAND! MWAHHAHAHAHA! Just kidding. I don't do that. Honestly.)
(Plus it makes me feel like a loser who doesn't have a boyfriend. Because when someone asks if I'm seeing anyone right now, I rarely am. Thanks.)

"Sooo . . . are you still seeing _____"
(Not the Artist formerly known as a Long Straight Line. It's a "insert name here" type line. You probably knew that. I hope. Anyway, if I WAS seeing someone but we'd broken up, this is the point where I would re-hash the entire break-up in great detail. And possibly cry. If you want me to do that, ask. If not, we can talk about poo or stinging vaginas instead. Deal?)

"The right one will come along eventually."
(Yes. I hope so too. I'm worried you'll jinx me by saying it out loud though.)

"Look at me, I thought I was never going to meet the one and then Blah Blah came along."
(Rub it in, why don't you?)

"If it's any consolation, sometimes I wish I was single too."
(Grass is always greener, right?)

"He wasn't right for you anyway. You should have walked away sooner. I know if it was me, I would have."
(Except it WASN'T you and, anyway, half the time the person saying it was in the exact sane situation as me on more than one occasion and DIDN'T walk away sooner. Always easier to see it when it's not your own situation, right?)

"I just don't understand why YOU'RE single!"
(Probably something to do with my seven toes on each foot and one boob that's twice the size of the other one.)
(Or my ability to lie. As per my previous bracketed statement. Which was all falsehoods.)


These are things that go through my head sometimes. I am perfectly happy being single for the moment, I really am. You know this. But sometimes when people say this kind of stuff, it makes me doubt that. Doubt myself. I know it's all well-meaning though. If someone was doing it to be a bitch, I'd probably realise it and, y'know, lamp them or something. Or pretend to lamp them, in my head, at least.

So here is my question for you . . . When YOU are single, or if you ARE single (if so, don't worry about it, the right person is BOUND to come along soon . . .), is there anything people say about it that can make you feel a bit crap?

Or is that all just me?

17 comments:

  1. It bothers me about 3-6 weeks after a relationship. Before 3 weeks I just say I just got out of a relationship and not looking to jump into another. After 6 weeks I don't really care anymore.

    By the way, you look great from the left side.

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  2. When i was single i hated being asked:
    " Have you tried..... ? "
    You know, like, going out to a pub? Joining a gym? Asking your friends to set you up? Speed dating?
    It was usually from my mother, or someone else's mum. Mind you, none of them really suggested internet dating but thats where i found my fiance...so go figure!

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  3. There should be a law allowing us single people to punch married or attached people who make stupid suggestions! I got your EHarmony suggestion right here pal!

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  4. Funny post. I used to feel this exact same way, and to be fair, I was a realtionship cynic (http://streetviewblogger.blogspot.com/2010/07/im-no-expert-relationships.html). Anyway, I relate, and found this a sweet post. I am now engaged (to an Englishman!) but both he and I never saw our lives having fallen into this path. Needless to say, I look forward to hearing about when you do meet Mr. Right. ; )

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  5. But in all honesty... being single is fun. :) Sorry, this is coming from a married lady. But I had a blast being single! (Not that I don't love being married) That was just what you wanted to hear right?

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  6. I used to get these questions all.the.damn.time!!! I guess because it's been awhile since I've been in a relationship, people have decided that I'm a hopeless cause.

    I've had friends who feel the need to comment on EVERY.SINGLE.GUY within our vicinity, saying how cute he is (or isn't). One girl kept saying she'd set me up with someone but she never did. Fine by me!

    These days I hear a lot of "Love will find you when you least expect it!" comments. Um, yeah, it hasn't found me yet so I'm highly skeptical!

    Once, I met this girl and five seconds later she was asking me about my husband. I told her I wasn't married and suddenly she had zero interest in having anything to do with me. It was kind of weird.

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  7. When I'm single, I hate when friends try to hook me up with people, because it's usually vaguely insulting for one of two reasons:

    1) I'm not at all attracted to the person, which normally means they are in excess of 200 pounds. To be horribly crass for a second here, I think I'm a decent looking dude, and my past dating experience (and they've met plenty of my ex-girlfriends) suggests I wouldn't really be interested in this type.

    2) The personality doesn't match at ALL. Like when I got hooked up with the pothead who liked reggae. I'm close to the embodiment of Ty from Modern Family; I'm super dad-ish and don't go for that.

    It has worked out once for me in about eight tries, so I kind of wish they'd stop trying, but it's awkward to say, "Hey stop trying to be nice!"

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  8. I don't like when people try to set me up without my permission or make special exceptions to say "let's go to this place to find OG a girl" I don't like to be the center of attention in that way.

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  9. Ugh, questions when you're single are the worst. But also? It never ends. When you get a bf - it's all about "are you going to get serious with him?" or "when are you guys getting married" - and when you get married...oh the baby questions! ARG!!!

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  10. Welcome to my same situation! (I also wrote a post about it, http://100mileshighway.blogspot.com/2010/07/yes-im-single.html).
    I usually get said that "If you don't HAVE a boyfriend, it's because you don't WANT one". That might be true. Partly. After this statement, I also get told to "start settling down" (I'm 26, but where I come from, people start pretty early).
    What to say, I guess we're just picky! (in a good way)
    Cheers,

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  11. I hate the "it will happen when you're not expecting it."

    Um, I not expecting it while I'm sitting on my couch watching television and no one rings my doorbell looking to date me.

    And my mom just asked me if I was dating anyone last night. Not that I would tell her if I was I just hate being asked about it. She has pretty much hated the two guys I introduced her to so I don't bother anymore.

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  12. Ooooh, all of those are annoying. I completely understand where you're coming from!
    I can't stand it when once a relationship ends it comes out from all your friends that they never liked the dude! What?! I get why they do that and I know I do the same thing, but it's still frustrating!

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  13. Haha! I get all of the above but 2 that you haven't mentioned:

    "OO is there anyone you're interested in right now?" (makes me feel like if I'm single AND dont have a crush, there must be something wrong with me)

    Or:

    "What kind of guy are you looking for?"

    (Do I need to write a list of attributes...thats really quite hard to do...)

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  14. Haha I love you're saying that you'll lamp someone if they annoy you :D

    Oddly enough, no one's really given me any of that condescending crap about being single (I suppose most folk had already sussed out that maybe I shouldn't have been with who I was with before, and that I'm just focusing on having fun).

    If anyone in the pub asks if I'm still with him though I just smile and say I'm footloose and fancy free - and that adopted Da' never approved of a Rangers fan anyways lol :P

    xXx

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  15. I HATE the comment "I don't understand why are you single." My typical response is, "I'm not willing to settle, that's why I'm single."

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  16. This is one I've heard one too many times:

    Female Friend: You're such a great guy, women should be lined up to meet you

    Me: Really, maybe we should go out

    Female Friend: I didn't mean me

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  17. This is friggin annoying sin't it. I come from a tiny village in Ayrshire. The fact that I have a Degree and various other qualifications means nothing to people, the first thing they ask you is if you have a boyfriend. It's like the dark ages!

    I find it quite satisfying now when people i don't talk to anymore ask me on the rare occasion I go back and I can say 'actually, I'm married' though. That shuts them up.

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