Friday, 30 July 2010

TWITTER UPDATES I HOPE NEVER TO SEE . . .

I just killed a man. Anyone wanna be my alibi?

I think I need to do a massive shit.

I just did a massive shit. Seriously, you should have seen it. Oh wait, I'll twit-pic it... Hold on.

Westlife are the best band in the world . . . ever!!!

My boyfriend is a feeder and he's encouraging me to get to 500 pounds. Let's DO THIS!

Me and the wife are working our way through the Kama Sutra. It's Kama Sutra 365 - we'll be tweeting a new position each day.

Oh man . . . what does it mean when it goes green and it is itching???

I just joined the Ku Klux Klan. Who wants to come to meetings with me?


What Twitter updates do you hope NEVER to see???

9 comments:

  1. RIP [insert your first and last name here]

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  2. That " massive shit " one made me laugh because, sadly, i know guys who talk that in real life...
    If i were on Twitter ( which i'm not, i'm trying to resist Twitter as long as i can.. ) i think something like this would turn my stomach -
    " My new aim in life is to become just like Jordan - she's my hero! "
    Gag.

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  3. Did these come from your brain?

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  4. Reminds me of the list of phrases you'll never hear...
    "look, there's the banjo player's porsche."

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  5. Oh man, I didn't read the title of your post and after reading all the tweets, I'm like, "WTF?!"

    Ok, makes much more sense now! lol

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  6. How about 'uh oh, I have an STI. If I hooked up with you, you probably should see a doctor...'

    Or 'hey, guess what - turns out the condom ripped... you probably should see a doctor...'

    Or 'hey, turns out your boss found your blog... you probably should see a lawyer'.

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  7. Hahaha

    I don't want to hear about people tweeting live while in labour. Seriously.

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  8. I was in a lecture at uni and no lie instead of being allowed to ask our lecturer questions we had to tweet them to him instead. It's taking over everything!!!!

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  9. just gave the waiter a bj...he came all over my face!

    No lie. I actually saw that on someones updates.

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