I just killed a man. Anyone wanna be my alibi?
I think I need to do a massive shit.
I just did a massive shit. Seriously, you should have seen it. Oh wait, I'll twit-pic it... Hold on.
Westlife are the best band in the world . . . ever!!!
My boyfriend is a feeder and he's encouraging me to get to 500 pounds. Let's DO THIS!
Me and the wife are working our way through the Kama Sutra. It's Kama Sutra 365 - we'll be tweeting a new position each day.
Oh man . . . what does it mean when it goes green and it is itching???
I just joined the Ku Klux Klan. Who wants to come to meetings with me?
What Twitter updates do you hope NEVER to see???