Tuesday, 20 July 2010

THINGS I CAN'T PULL OFF . . .

MAXI DRESSES - I don't think it's really anything to do with the fact am I short-arse . . . they just don't look right on me somehow. I'd probably get a better effect if I draped a tent around me. No, wait, I don't think that would work either . . .

WHITE LINER ON THE LOWER INSIDE RIM OF MY EYE - It's meant to make your eyes look bigger and brighter and more open. Instead it has the opposite effect on me. I tried it today and my eyes looked evil. Oh, and people told me I looked ill. I don't think they worked out WHY I looked ill though, which is something to be thankful for.


REALLY HIGH HEELS - I think my various falling-over-in-heels incidents which I have documented here in the past prove that, without me having to go any deeper into the subject . . .

A PILLOW-CREASED FACE - mind you, I don't think ANYONE can really pull this off. But I spent half of today with creases from a ribbed pillow running up one half of my face - even through my eyelid! I looked like I had been mauled by some sort of wild animal as a child, and my scars were just beginning to fade. Thank God for long hair that can do a semi-decent job hiding one's face, that's all I can say.


REALLY TINY DENIM SHORTS - actually, whether they are denim or not is probably irrelevant. ANY kind of tiny shorts are not something I am going to rock. The pale legs and cellulite sort of put paid to that.

BARE LEGS - it kind of follows on from the previous statement really. I don't really mind going bare-legged on holiday but in Scotland? No no no no NO!!! Especially when my legs tan the worst out of pretty much every other body part of mine, fake tan rarely works without streaking, I've still got mosquito bite scars from May's holiday to Zante . . . and I hate my knees. I'm just glad that black tights and leggings exist. Three cheers for them!

ARTFULLY TOUSLED "BEDHEAD" HAIR - You know that "just got out of bed" look that some people seem to be able to perfect without effort. My "just got out of bed" look is scarily real. Scarily real as in no one would ever consider leaving the house with their hair like that normally. And when I TRY to make it look tousled in a STYLED way . . . it tends to just make matters worse. Much much worse . . .

RED LIPSTICK - I look like a child playing dress-up. Oh, and the last time I tried out the look in the privacy of my home, I forgot I had put the lipstick on and several hours later thought my gums were bleeding when I was trying to eat a sandwich and red was smeared all over it. Duh.


What can YOU not pull off?

26 comments:

  1. Hahahaha, a great post! I can't probably pull of with the same things you listed...like shorts (my legs are pink, fake tan leaves spots on my skin and I am full of veins and God knows what...)
    Red lipstick...well, it's been proved it makes teeth look yellow...besides, I think it doesn't go with my skin colour, I am pink!
    There are so many things I wasn't born for...sigh. Even red nailpolish makes my fingers look odd!

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  2. Oooo I can't pull of any of those things either atall! I always say that whenever I try to wear lipstick of any colour I look like a wee girl that got into her mums make up bag!

    Also - dramatic or brightly coloured eyeshadow, quiffs, nail polish, short skirts and skinny jeans (actually I've never worn skinnies, but I just KNOW I can't!)

    I know there'll be loooads more, but that's all I can think of for now!

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  3. I don't think I'd pull off 'blonde' very well. Or tee-total.

    :P

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  4. I couldn't pull off the white eyeliner either. I tried it once and it just looked really weird.

    I love heels and think they're soooo pretty. But me and heels just do not mix. I haven't found any that are comfortable yet and I clomp around in them because I never learned how to walk in them.

    I can rock the red lipstick like no other. LOVE red lips. I once had someone tell me a particularly red-red lipstick didn't look good on me but I told the girl that I didn't care because I liked it. Everyone else complimented me that day. I don't know, it's one of the few things that look good on me.

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  5. Really high heels annoy me, as do really tiny denim shorts. Both scream insecurity to me. Like, "I need these to think I'm hot!" I'm also generally against lipstick - too messy.

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  6. Maxi Dresses + Angela = Works 5% of the time. The rest of the time, I look as big as a house.

    White Liner + Angela = Spooksville. And the times that I've noticed it on others, it's because of how bad it looks.

    Really High Heels + Angela = I love them, but they don't love me. Wide feet and bad circulation. I have one pair that I wear with great frequency that are probably 3.5 inches, but I can only wear them for about 3 hours at a time, max (less if stair-climbing is involved).

    Pillow-Creased Face + Angela = Not good.

    Really Tiny Denim Shorts + Angela = Never in public. But I wear them when I'm cleaning.

    Bare Legs + Angela = Not good. First of all, I'm horrible at shaving my legs and inevitably have missed large patches which I don't notice until after I've left the house. Also, I'm covered in bruises all the time. And someone always asks about them, horrified.

    Bedhead hair + Angela = Doable. I have wavy hair, so it works sometimes.

    Red Lipstick + Angela = I can (and do) rock it. But it has to be the right red. Not just any red will do.


    The things I cannot pull off...

    1. Bubble hem skirts and dresses. They make me look fat.

    2. Empire waist dresses and shirts. They make me look fat.

    3. Low-rise jeans. They make me look fat.

    4. Short haircuts. They make me look fat.

    5. Kitten heel shoes. They make my legs look stumpy.


    Really, I am just WAY too hot for those clothes. And I refuse to wear anything that is not hot enough for me. ;)

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  7. I'm so there with you for many of those!
    Never figured out high heels
    Short shorts - not since I was 11, people don't mind that when you're 11 and have a long shirt
    red lipstick - actually any as I tend to eat it
    bedhead - oh mine is bad, really bad... short or long hair still scary bad.

    BUT - what is "short arse"? I think that's an British term I don't know

    Mine also includes horizontal strips (nasty!) and anything yellow as it makes me look like I have been sick for a month.

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  8. I can not pull of maxi dresses either, I have tried many times as I love them, but they just make me look like a sack of spuds.

    I love white eye liner on the inside of my lower lids, I guess I am lucky in that I can pull that one off quite nicely, infact I look half asleep with out it.

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  9. Lol. This was a fun post.

    I can't pull off red lipstick either. Any lipstick really. First off, I have a small mouth and lipstick just makes it look smaller and second I'm a lip licker. Can't keep lipstick on for more than 5-10 minutes.

    Pleated skirts. I love them on other people but i've got a big butt and all those pleats...you get the picture. it's not good.

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  10. I cannot pull off fake tan OR high heels. Bed hair and red lipstick I can though. I have hideous stretch marks on my legs that make it impossible to rock the bare legs look as well. Ugh. If only I was stick thin.

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  11. Eyeliner. Can't pull that off.

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  12. I can't pull off any lipstick or any exciting colours of eyeshadow :( I end up looking like I'm playing dress up...

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  13. I'll let you into a theory of mine...I don't think ANYONE can pull off a maxi dress. I certainly can't and I'm 5'9". The only people I have seen look good in them have been ACTUALLY pregnant. Everyone else just LOOKS as if they're pregnant.

    I can't pull off anything shorter than knee length. I have what I think you would politely term as 'sturdy legs'. Too many years playing hockey and swimming. They are not my best feature, I spend all my time trying to get people to LOOK UP LOOK UP!

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  14. Things I can't pull off:

    Maxi dresses - make me look pregnant
    Empire line dresses - make me look pregnant
    Round neck/roll neck tops - matron like boobs
    Skinny jeans - hahahahahah. Yeah, with my tree trunks? I don't think so.

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  15. I can't pull off contacts... I think I look like a goofball without my glasses...

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  16. I read on Glamour that the trick of making your eyes look doe-eyed is to apply liner just below the lower lash line, instead of applying it in the inner lid. I also read that we should dot white eye shadow on the inner corner of the eyes. I tried doing that, and yes, it looked kind of creepy. I just think we need to learn proper methods of application! :P
    Asides that, I think I can't carry off anything too bare. I love wearing tube tops and shorts...I feel sexy but I also feel very conscious and I think that shows!

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  17. P, I feel you. I hate maxi dresses, too. They just always feel so heavy. If it's hot out, I want to feel unencumbered. Plus I like showing off my legs.

    I dislike super red lipstick too. Too bright.

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  18. stilettos, red lipstick, really girly and frilly tops.

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  19. I struggle with the white eyeliner too. I feel like it just makes me look like a crazy person.

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  20. I have never heard of that white eyeliner trick before. Actually your comment on it just totally cracked me up. I think I need to go and buy some. Perfect for using the day after a sick day from work, so people think you must have really been ill! :)

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  21. The only one of these I *CAN* pull off is the red lipstick. But it took many, many years of practice and not giving up trying to be Gwen Stefani for it to finally work. Ha.

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  22. I can't pull off maxi dresses or bedhead either. And I feel pretty strongly that nobody should wear really tiny jeans shorts. You might play with shades of red - if you find the right one, you might feel great in red lipstick.

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  23. Oooh, I am right there with you on SO SO many of these. Especially the bedhead look and red lipstick. OH HOW I WISH I could do that messy, wavy hair thing. And red lipstick makes me look like a tramp. Just sayin'. Haha.

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  24. Ha ha ha, You've hit a lot of the things I can't pull off.

    Um....super short hair...can't do it, mine is too frizzy and I'd look like a boy. I've tried it. It was bad.

    Jean skirts. I can't ever find one that fits right.

    I know there's more but I can't think of anything else. Probably cause I avoid these things!

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  25. I seriously agree with everything except the white liner. I rock that white liner and people always compliment my eyes when I wear it. Red lipstick though? In weak, drunk moments I've thought it looked good until I went in front of a mirror again. I just need to learn that no matter how many times I try it, it still doesn't suit me.

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